I found myself in tears again, sitting at the table with my head in my hands. I feel like I’ve downed a cocktail mixed of desperation and anxiety. It floods my veins with fear of the future. I hunger and thirst for wisdom with my never-ending prayer: “Lord, I don’t know how to parent this […]
The tulip trees in my backyard need to be trimmed. There’s a branch growing against our detached carport, and it’s pushing the shingles off the roof. I have measured my life in the blooms on those trees—nineteen years in this house and nineteen turns of the calendar. Nineteen springs, summers, falls, and winters charting the […]
Sometimes God cancels your good plans to accomplish His best plan. I had that thought while decorating our Christmas tree this weekend. From a box of tissue wrapped ornaments, I pulled a delicate wooden ornament painted red and green and yellow. “Melkam Gena” it said, which is Amharic for Merry Christmas. I held the ornament for […]
I gathered up my sharps containers yesterday so I could dispose of them to make room for new ones. No matter how often I tell the specialty pharmacy that I don’t need a new sharps container, they send a new one with each shipment of medication. Every month, I unpack the Styrofoam container, pull out […]
The leaf crunched under my foot with a satisfying crispy sound. The gray sky was heavy with clouds that looked ready to unload their contents on the dry, autumn day. I opened the Spotify app on my phone and selected a piano and cello playlist as an ambient backdrop to my “thinking walk.” Slipping my […]
I’ve long used January 1st as the day I’m going to get my life together. New diet? Clean slate starts January 1st. Exercise plan? I’ll begin on the first of the year. Keep the Tupperware cabinet from throwing plastic containers at me every time I open it? Organization will commence on the first day of the […]
It only takes a few experiences of loss or long-deferred hopes to become a person bent on protecting yourself from future sorrows. You begin to view every potential good thing in life as the harbinger of your next greatest loss. Rather than bringing your desires and concerns to the Lord with hope that He will […]
I rolled the shell in my hands. My young son had pulled it from the ocean floor just moments before, and I pushed the goggles out of my eyes to have a closer look. Standing in waist-deep water, the waves gently rocked against me as I traced the golden olive shell with my finger. The […]
I was a fearful child. One of my earliest memories is from a night I spent at my grandmother’s house. I was awakened by crashing thunder and streaks of lightning just outside the guest bedroom window. The tornado sirens blared, and I could hear my grandmother’s television on in the living room. I reckoned that […]
One of my favorite things about the book of Psalms is the room given for biblical complaint. In our modern sensibilities, we waffle between respectfully questioning God for His mysterious ways and raising our fists in anguish and frustration. We know that anger feels wrong, so we fight it. But immediate acceptance seems completely out […]
