I was twenty-nine when the pain started. It was subtle. Just a little soreness in my low back that began waking me up at night. But as the weeks turned to months, the pain increased steadily, growing from a flicker to a blaze that burned all night. Unable to sleep, I walked the floors in…
chronic pain
Working with Faithfulness When Our Bodies Are Weak
As a work-from-home mom, I flit from task to task all day long. Whether it’s washing laundry or writing, meal planning or preparing Bible study materials, scrubbing toilets or waiting in school pick-up lines, my days are never the same but always full. I’ve long thrived on a sense of accomplishment at the end of…
Of Sharps Containers and Resurrections
I gathered up my sharps containers yesterday so I could dispose of them to make room for new ones. No matter how often I tell the specialty pharmacy that I don’t need a new sharps container, they send a new one with each shipment of medication. Every month, I unpack the Styrofoam container, pull out…
When God Takes His Time
I started praying for healing about fourteen years ago. I started praying for a baby twenty years ago. Of all the things I have prayed for in this life, those two things have topped my prayer list the longest. With an autoimmune disease that has only fairly recently been tamed, I’ve spent many agonizing nights…
Joy in the Morning
I think about joy in the middle of the night sometimes. I remember when I was memorizing the book of James a couple of years ago, and I got really hung up on that verse in the first chapter, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” because it seems…
He’s Already There
My friend sat next to me in my living room. I still had the pink and teal couch back then, a confection of polyester and silver thread I’d inherited that was exactly as garish and horrifying as it sounds. I put it on the curb in front of my house last summer because I’d finally…
The Manna is Always There
I have a plastic bin filled with beans hidden in my basement. I packed that bin two years ago when I, like everyone else, worried about food supplies. I’ve borrowed from the bin a little, but if you need rice or dried beans, I’ve got you covered. I also have gallons of water in case…
There Will Be No Burden-Bearing if There Is No Burden-Sharing
I was having trouble walking that Saturday morning. Exhausted, fatigued, and discouraged, I had told my husband I couldn’t participate in the church leaf-raking service project we were doing for our widows and shut-ins. I felt embarrassed when my family left the house clad in boots and gloves and armed with rakes and leaf-blowers to…
What We Pray in the Dark
It was 1:30 a.m. Pain seared through my lower back, wrapping itself around my S. I. joints and radiating into the deepest part of my hips. I moved from bed to couch and back, rearranging the pillows a dozen times, applying ice and heat wherever I could. There was no relief. None. Tears dripped down…
Funeral Pants
I think I bought the pants before the pandemic began. I can’t remember, to be honest. But we’d had a series of deaths in our small congregation, and being a work-from-home mom, I didn’t own anything quite right for a funeral since I hadn’t attended one in a while. I found myself standing at a…