You never know when fear will come rushing into your heart. Maybe it hits as you open a bill you weren’t expecting, crushing you with the question of financial provision. Perhaps it’s the moment the doctor calls with those long-awaited test results. Maye it’s a knife that slices your heart with pain when your child…
fear
What If He’s Faithful?
It only takes a few experiences of loss or long-deferred hopes to become a person bent on protecting yourself from future sorrows. You begin to view every potential good thing in life as the harbinger of your next greatest loss. Rather than bringing your desires and concerns to the Lord with hope that He will…
Thou Shalt Not Catastrophize
I was a fearful child. One of my earliest memories is from a night I spent at my grandmother’s house. I was awakened by crashing thunder and streaks of lightning just outside the guest bedroom window. The tornado sirens blared, and I could hear my grandmother’s television on in the living room. I reckoned that…
All This Wasted Worry
I once spent a whole night worrying about a bug bite. Well, eight of them, to be precise. My son had been playing outside that afternoon and came in with a strange assortment of bites across his shoulder that didn’t look like anything I’d seen before. They weren’t your average Southeast Missouri mosquito bites, but…
The Other Side of the Fence
I have a recurring dream that I’m driving through my hometown looking for a coffee shop that doesn’t exist. If you know me personally, you know how apropos this dream is. On the hunt for a mythical coffee shop in a town I love? That sounds about right. In this dream, I make turn after…
The Power of a Hidden Word
A few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Between the day the tumor was discovered and the day it was excised from her head, she had to wait about six weeks. Living in another state, I called often to see how she was doing, to see if the mercury at the…
At the End of the If
I left my house today. It was just for an hour and just for a quick two-minute drive to my husband’s empty office at our empty church building so I could have a quiet conversation with a podcaster via Zoom. But, it was odd to leave, even after just a few days of social distancing….
Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
All told, it was ten years of hard living. There was a future-emptying diagnosis, a move, a new job, a long-failing ministry, a chronic illness, an adoption that unraveled, a brain tumor, severe financial strain, incapacitating loneliness. It felt like too much sometimes, but it was all we knew: one trouble compounding another. And another….
Our Eyes Are On You
I don’t know where the book came from. I didn’t buy it, don’t remember either of my kids opening it at Christmas or birthdays. Probably, it sneaked in with a pile of hand-me-down books from a neighbor or friend. I rarely say no to books anyway. However it got here, the book about pet monsters was perched…
When I Am Afraid, I Will Trust in the Carbon Monoxide Detector
It started with an innocent comment at a family gathering in our home about whether or not we smelled a natural gas leak, and it ended with me perched on a stool at 1:30 in the morning trying to pry the carbon monoxide detector down from the wall to be sure it was working. I…