Fall has finally arrived here in rural Missouri where I live. The temperatures are dipping down near freezing at night, the leaves are beginning to blush with red and orange, and the sky is full of that autumnal blue that hurts your eyes with its clarity. The cotton fields behind our church building are ready…
Bible study
God Loves You in Your Longing
The scene is burned into my memory. It’s been fifteen years, but I remember the day I began to doubt God’s love for me. It was a Sunday. It was that window of fellowship after church just before people start heading home for lunch and naps. I stood in a circle of women, listening to…
Gather Around the Word
It was awkward at first. A good kind of awkward, but still. We felt the oddness of forced intimacy while the four of us sat at our local small-town coffee shop, carefully offering thoughts on the passage of Scripture we’d studied throughout the week and aggressively sipping our coffee when the gaps of silence got…
When Circumstances Lie, Look for What is True
The first time a doctor spoke the word infertility to me, one of my closest friends had just had twins. Another close friend was pregnant, and then another and another until I tasted the bitterness of desperately wanting what you cannot have. Years later, in my husband’s new pastorate, we sustained loss after loss in…
Hear the Voice of the Lord. And also, Obey.
I’d been running behind all day, and on this particular Monday afternoon, I found myself racing through the grocery store near dinnertime. I wasn’t even sure what we were having yet but knew I needed to finish my shopping quickly to get home to my hungry family. While speeding through the frozen food section, I…
Running Toward Godliness
I used to be a runner. I ran almost every day and planned my Saturdays around higher mileage long runs. I cross-trained on my days off and organized my family’s evening meals around what kind of run was on my schedule the next morning. I had all the weird accouterments that runners like to collect:…
There Will Be Joy
Every morning at 6 a.m. you can find me sitting cross legged and bleary eyed on the tan couch in my living room. Outside, the sun rises with reliable regularity, its pink morning glow filtered between the tulip trees in our backyard. I’ve been looking at the same view for more than ten years of…
I Have Spiritual Amnesia, and So Do You.
Something strange happens in the nighttime hours. Every night, when I go to bed, I know who I am in Christ and what I believe about the gospel. It’s a hard fight, and by the end of the day it’s likely a worn-down version of what’s real. But, I’ve fought all day to believe it,…
Keep a Soft Heart
Repeatedly inked on the pages of my journal for the past ten months are the words keep a soft heart. Truly, it has taken all thirty-six years of my life to develop a one-sentence prayer that expresses one of my deepest and most regular needs. Keep a soft heart. I searched for the words to…
Real Love Awakens Us to Real Life
Last week I fell down a rabbit hole of remembering. It began with a search for my journal from the year we adopted our oldest son and ended with me digging through a musty pile of notebooks in the basement. I swiped away cobwebs from the dark corner of the cellar where the box of…