I have a recurring dream that I’m driving through my hometown looking for a coffee shop that doesn’t exist. If you know me personally, you know how apropos this dream is. On the hunt for a mythical coffee shop in a town I love? That sounds about right. In this dream, I make turn after…
Anxiety
At the End of the If
I left my house today. It was just for an hour and just for a quick two-minute drive to my husband’s empty office at our empty church building so I could have a quiet conversation with a podcaster via Zoom. But, it was odd to leave, even after just a few days of social distancing….
Of Love, Sacrifice, and Toilet Paper
I didn’t buy toilet paper. I bought six pounds of rice and seven pounds of dried beans. I bought bouillon cubes and a couple extra sacks of flour. I stood at the grocery store and surveyed what was in the carts of other shoppers as I contemplated how far I could make ten cans of…
When I Am Afraid, I Will Trust in the Carbon Monoxide Detector
It started with an innocent comment at a family gathering in our home about whether or not we smelled a natural gas leak, and it ended with me perched on a stool at 1:30 in the morning trying to pry the carbon monoxide detector down from the wall to be sure it was working. I…
To the Friend Who is Hurting
Last night I laid awake most of the night. I told you that. I drifted from one troubled dream to the next, and every moment of lucidity was spent praying for you. I know you well enough to know you were awake, too. Today was a hard day for you. And because you are so…
I Love You in Iambic Pentameter
for William The first time he wrote a sonnet for me, I was finishing my senior year of college and struggling through a Shakespeare class. This was after he bought a book of the bard’s sonnets and tore a page from it every time he wanted to tell me he loved me. Sonnet 116 was…
God is Enough for Your Failing To-Do List
One night last week, I awoke abruptly out of deep sleep around 2 a.m. I listened in the dark, ears straining for what brought me out of my dreams. I heard my three-year-old cough, the sound amplified overmuch through the baby monitor on my bedside table. Satisfied it was nothing more, I turned the volume…
5 Tools for the Christian Struggling with Anxiety
I knew when I turned out the light that I would be up in a couple of hours. I could feel the unsettling burning in my stomach. I was tired enough to fall asleep quickly, but when the clock read 2:30 a.m, I was predictably awake with a pounding heart, sweat-soaked pajamas, and a brain…
Anxiety: Should I Be Stronger Than This?
It comes at night. Almost always, it comes at night. It begins with just a whisper of urgency, a small note of concern. It travels the currents in my brain, hitching a ride with firing neurons, grabbing the wheel of logical thinking and veering sharply off course. Anxiety wrecks my nights. These episodes began right…