Every morning this week, I’ve watched the sun rise. Every morning, without fail, the sun persistently pushes down the dark of night, lower and lower, into the horizon until I can’t see anything but light. It happens so slowly that you can’t tell it’s happening at all. Were you to try to decide which moment…
chronic pain
Sorrow, Joy, and Forty Years
A warm June rain soaks the world outside my window. We’ve had a few of those wild, humid summer storms that send us to the basement listening for the tornado sirens. But not today. Today, it’s just a good, gentle soaking. While I sit at my dining room table tapping away on my laptop, everything…
Feel Your Weakness, Feel Your Need
I lay on my left side facing the screen. The sonographer squirted a clear jelly on the wand and rested it near my sternum. Fascinated, I watched images of my heart fill the screen—pumping, beating, opening, closing. This is amazing, I thought, until I felt the familiar flutters and off beats pounding in my chest….
More than Many Sparrows
“Is the Lord enough for you?” he asked me. It was late, nearing midnight, and rather than sleeping, my husband and I were sitting in the living room discussing some current challenges in our life. And by “discussing,” I mean that I was loudly airing my frustrations and expressing the awful truth that I did not…
There Will Be Joy
Every morning at 6 a.m. you can find me sitting cross legged and bleary eyed on the tan couch in my living room. Outside, the sun rises with reliable regularity, its pink morning glow filtered between the tulip trees in our backyard. I’ve been looking at the same view for more than ten years of…
He Will Be Strong in Your Weakness
When I took the stage, I was one hundred percent confident in my message. My new boots pinched a bit as I climbed the steps to the piano, but I was certain of the words I would speak, sure that the melodies wrapped around the truth of God’s goodness to us in suffering were the…
Is it Sinful to Live in the Past?
I was juggling housework and a very energetic two-year-old yesterday morning when the phone rang. My friend on the other end, also dealing with a little one, had called with a very specific question about suffering and sin. As I’ve mulled it over, I decided to address her question publicly (with her permission). She asked…
The Strongest Thread
It was mid-October a year ago when my mom had brain surgery to remove a tumor from her left frontal lobe. Hovering over the place where her speech and emotions live, the tumor had grown quickly enough to cause a seizure and lost time. I remember how nervous we were when it all happened on…
There’s Blessing in the Longing
I want to run away from these words. I hit “publish” so you wouldn’t feel alone when your hopes rise and fall in a tumble of confusing might-have-beens. It’s embarrassing to admit after thirteen years of one-lined tests that sometimes I still find myself entertaining a glimmer of hope that my situation might change. It’s…
What Do You Say to the Suffering?
“It was suicide,” she said. Her eyes swam with tears that leaked down her cheeks while she explained what had happened earlier this year. I whispered, “I’m so, so sorry,” and wrung my hands uselessly the way you do when there is nothing that will make a situation any better and you know it. The…