We pushed back and forth on the patio swing. He fights the lilt because it gives him a little bit of motion sickness, but after all these years together he knows that I will always force the swing to move if I’m sitting on it. Otherwise, it’s just a chair. Our boys run around the backyard…
Waiting
More than Many Sparrows
“Is the Lord enough for you?” he asked me. It was late, nearing midnight, and rather than sleeping, my husband and I were sitting in the living room discussing some current challenges in our life. And by “discussing,” I mean that I was loudly airing my frustrations and expressing the awful truth that I did not…
A Thousand Times, Yes
I was sitting at a table in a Starbucks seven hours away from home. We’d come under the pretense of wanting coffee, but the real reason was we needed to feel normal for an hour. After ordering, we crowded tightly around the table. Our seven-year-old was watchful as I gently pulled the week-old baby from…
There’s Blessing in the Longing
I want to run away from these words. I hit “publish” so you wouldn’t feel alone when your hopes rise and fall in a tumble of confusing might-have-beens. It’s embarrassing to admit after thirteen years of one-lined tests that sometimes I still find myself entertaining a glimmer of hope that my situation might change. It’s…
I Prayed for Healing. He Answered with His Presence.
These are slow summer days, stretching long at the ends from first light to last. We drink them in deep swallows, savoring the absence of hurried schedules. We sleep later than normal and wear pajamas longer than we should. The hours unspool without our notice or care. It seems a luxury. I’ve not had such…
The Goodness of God in a Closed Womb
Her words were a sledge hammer to my future. “It is unlikely that you will ever conceive.” The doctor patted me on the shoulder awkwardly. Just like that, the future I had assumed and imagined ended in an explosion of grief. Raining down on me for the next decade were shards of dreams, double-edged fissures…
Still Waiting
In Lucy Maud Montgomery’s book, “Anne of Green Gables,” Anne Shirley bemoans her task of constant care for small children with the confession that “twins seem to be my lot in life.” That phrase has bubbled up to the surface of memories throughout my adult life because for me, waiting seems to be my lot…
I follow close to You
I’ve been feeling a bit empty lately. A steady stream of writing and pouring out has left me scratching my head and staring at intimidatingly blank pages in all my journals and notebooks. Sometimes the words don’t come, no matter how hard I press down the pen. So I go back to what fills me…