It comes at night. Almost always, it comes at night. It begins with just a whisper of urgency, a small note of concern. It travels the currents in my brain, hitching a ride with firing neurons, grabbing the wheel of logical thinking and veering sharply off course. Anxiety wrecks my nights. These episodes began right […]
I felt like an impostor. No one had ever called me “mom” before, and I had no swollen belly, no stretch marks, and no attempts at breastfeeding to prove that I was a new mom. But the hospital attendant insisted that I sit in the wheelchair with this stranger-baby while he pushed the two of […]
These are slow summer days, stretching long at the ends from first light to last. We drink them in deep swallows, savoring the absence of hurried schedules. We sleep later than normal and wear pajamas longer than we should. The hours unspool without our notice or care. It seems a luxury. I’ve not had such […]
I could feel the blood draining from my face. The plastic fork in my hand nearly snapped in two under the pressure of my clenched fist. Trying not to reply too hastily, I bit my lip so hard it bled. I thought it was a dinner invitation, but it felt like an ambush. As my […]
I remember how we argued, standing awkwardly next to the table. My attempt at a joke to lighten the mood fell flat, and I’m pretty sure you stepped on my forced levity with your foot and ground it into the linoleum for good measure. I deserved it. I hadn’t meant to bait you; I just […]
The Story I was sitting in a coffee shop, my cup empty and hers still full. Cold, though, probably because she hadn’t taken the first sip. Tears stood in her eyes while she explained the way her husband didn’t listen to her. “He doesn’t know what I’m thinking or how I feel about anything. He […]
My husband and I have lived in a rural part of Missouri for just about twelve years now. Since that sweltering summer day in 2005 when we unloaded the moving truck, we’ve been ministering at the same church in the same small town for all this time. We’ve both left our 20’s and nearly our […]
I am a chronic worrier. I worry about the past. I worry about the present. And of course, I worry about the future. Mostly, I worry about what might happen. When I was a kid, I took it upon myself to constantly remind my little sister to stay close when we were in stores or restaurants or […]
For five years, I lived with an unnamed illness that split my body wide open with pain every single night. I’d seen doctors and had multiple tests and scans but always walked away with a clean bill of health. Except that I wasn’t healthy. I’d been stooped over with debilitating back pain that never […]
It was night. I stood on the sandy shore of a beach in Georgia listening to waves I couldn’t see crash on to one another in an effort to aid the rising tide. There was no moon that night, no sliver of reflective light to separate sky from water. I was standing in a dark […]
